Sunday 22 January 2012
nerves....
So soon I am going for my first ever clairvoyant reading. I have been up and down on whether or not to go for one for a little while now. A few weeks ago a colleague went, followed by another. Their readings both seem so real and so important to them. I really am curious to see who might come and see me, but at the same time I am nervous for how it could make me feel. obviously what I really want is for my mum to come and speak to me. So do I need a question to bring her to me? On the one hand I think I'll be crushed if she doesn't come. Then on the other hand, what of she does and I don't believe it is her? I want to try this so badly, but something holding me back is telling me it will be harder for me. I am going to brave it as soon as possible. I can't control how it will make me feel but I will never know until I try. And in the end, if there is a chance I can speak to my mum then I should take it. I hope with every fiber inside me she does. She consumes me every day and the loss of her is forever with me. Even just once to speak with her and to know she is there is all that I need. I am so nervous, so fingers crossed please!
Wednesday 11 January 2012
ray man with my lovely man
Sunday 11 December 2011
the phrase ' I NEED A HOLIDAY' comes to mind....
Well, to say I have been busy, is putting it mildly. So I haven't been able to upload in a while! But to say I've been doing anything of great interest.... well that's maybe stretching it? Apart from a few great days and evenings, I have been confined to the lovely thing that is, retail Christmas hours! Of course I do not mind working loads, but I am now ready for a good rest, and a damn good holiday!
I have taken a step back and suddenly realized how utterly exhausted I am at the moment, not too good when there's still a few weeks to go until the big Christmas day! Work is great though, I was quite surprised by how much I thoroughly enjoy work, and having something to do each day that tasks me somewhat! I have never had a job before that I have enjoyed so much! And its great to feel like I am doing something well too!! It feels as though it has been non stop for a while, and now things are finally settling down I am looking forward to a well earned rest!!!
Thank goodness for my lovely Adam, and friends who keep me going, and listen to my beyond boring stories! (yeah, I'm sure I've not been to much fun lately!)
I now cant wait because early next year I am off to Rome with my gorgeous guy, for our special birthday holiday! It has been consuming my thoughts for a few weeks now, and as I have only ever been abroad once before I am very excited to do some more travelling!!! So if anyone has any suggestions for fun things to do in Rome, let me know!
Holiday holiday holiday here I come!!!!!!
Tuesday 25 October 2011
thinking of you
Here are some photos of my amazing mum that I have not shared before, they make me happy because each time I see them I see more of myself in her face. She is beautiful and I wish only to be more like her and make her proud.
Monday 17 October 2011
Because I had a good day
As I have had quite a few, very good days lately, I have been in an excellent mood. However this Saturday topped the bill. I spent the whole day with my gorgeous boyfriend Adam. He took me to the seaside at Skegness, and despite losing two games of bowling, one round at crazy golf (pirate style) and missing out on a prize at the two 'p machines, it was perfect. We spent the day talking, kissing and playing arcade games. Adam also accidentally hit a couple of people with an air hockey puck, and I laughed my ass off! Luckily they didn't mind! I now have enough endorphin's to leave me with a constant smile. I love you Adam.
I may need to work on my ball game skills, but I loved every moment.
I may need to work on my ball game skills, but I loved every moment.
Sunday 9 October 2011
I am very lucky to have......
I thought I would write a short blog to make sure everyone and everything I feel lucky for knows how much I appreciate all the good in my life. It is all too easy to focus on the negative, so here you are.
My mum:
My mum is no longer with me, but she is in my thoughts every day. I always wonder if I would be making her proud or not, and it is this that makes me feel as though she is still guiding me in some way. she was truly selfless, kind, and the pure meaning of a person with a beautiful soul. I am extremely lucky to have a mum like you, and as much as I wish you were here with me always, I am so grateful to of had you for the first six years of my life. You have inspired me, made me understand love, life and what is really important. And I thank you for that. I love you, and it is a love that no one will ever know, or ever overcome. You make me passionate, and I love you.
My dad:
My dad is my rock, my confidant, and my friend. You have never been unkind, and you have only ever made me feel as though I can achieve. You encourage me, love me, support me. In every thing you have taught me you have bettered me as a person. I am proud, and very happy to be similar to you. You have looked after me, when a lot of people would have been selfish, or even falllen apart. You have kept alive mum's memory, and I thank you for that every day. I love you, and I hope you never feel a burden to me, as you are extremely important to my being, and my life. I love you.
My brother:
You in many ways are my opposite, and in many ways are so similar to me. We are there for each other, despite any harsh words. We know how much we mean to each other, and that one day, when it is just us two left from our little family, that we will support each other, and can rely on each other. You are a great friend, and I am so proud of you. It has been difficult, with me helping to raise you, but I love you more than just a brother, but as a friend, and because only you understand how I feel sometimes, about the beginning we have had in life. I love you.
My boyfriend Adam:
You, you are my love. Unlike anyone else you make me feel loved, and worthy, and something special. You make me smile more than anyone, and laugh all of the time. You can cheer me up from any mood. And you support me, and have done so for all the years I have known you. You are the complete and full understanding of love for me. You know my bad habits, my quirks, my unusual phrases and tastes. You make me so very happy, and you make me want more than anything to make you feel exactly the same as I do. I want you to know how much you mean to me, to know that I love you, and to know that when I wake up, hearing your voice is the first thing on my mind, and when I do, It puts the biggest smile on my face. I love you!
My friends:
My friends are true, and good, and in their own right, amazing people. I have not always had good friends, or people I could trust or be myself around. I have these now, and I will never let these people go. Laura and Ruth, you both mean the world to me. I Love you both as sisters, and I feel you are my extended family. you are there for me, treat me with respect, care for me, and protect me. I would walk hot coals to do the same for you. You are amazing friends, and you inspire me with who you are as people. To all of my other friends, I love you too. You are all funny, kind, slightly eccentric, and great people. You make days fun, and good memories.
My life:
My life, is not that bad. I am loved, I love in return, I have a home and a job. I am not penniless, I am not cold or hungry.
I have lost a lot in my young life. I have suffered the harsh reality of many bad things, bad experiences and bad times. But I am very lucky, I am happy every day, and I would like to express that I am so very grateful for everything good in my life. It could be worse, and I am so glad it isn't. I hope this helps other people see the good in their lives, because I for one, am very sad and annoyed when people complain, when they have so very much.
Here are some reasons why my life is so great, and so fun!!
My mum:
My mum is no longer with me, but she is in my thoughts every day. I always wonder if I would be making her proud or not, and it is this that makes me feel as though she is still guiding me in some way. she was truly selfless, kind, and the pure meaning of a person with a beautiful soul. I am extremely lucky to have a mum like you, and as much as I wish you were here with me always, I am so grateful to of had you for the first six years of my life. You have inspired me, made me understand love, life and what is really important. And I thank you for that. I love you, and it is a love that no one will ever know, or ever overcome. You make me passionate, and I love you.
My dad:
My dad is my rock, my confidant, and my friend. You have never been unkind, and you have only ever made me feel as though I can achieve. You encourage me, love me, support me. In every thing you have taught me you have bettered me as a person. I am proud, and very happy to be similar to you. You have looked after me, when a lot of people would have been selfish, or even falllen apart. You have kept alive mum's memory, and I thank you for that every day. I love you, and I hope you never feel a burden to me, as you are extremely important to my being, and my life. I love you.
My brother:
You in many ways are my opposite, and in many ways are so similar to me. We are there for each other, despite any harsh words. We know how much we mean to each other, and that one day, when it is just us two left from our little family, that we will support each other, and can rely on each other. You are a great friend, and I am so proud of you. It has been difficult, with me helping to raise you, but I love you more than just a brother, but as a friend, and because only you understand how I feel sometimes, about the beginning we have had in life. I love you.
My boyfriend Adam:
You, you are my love. Unlike anyone else you make me feel loved, and worthy, and something special. You make me smile more than anyone, and laugh all of the time. You can cheer me up from any mood. And you support me, and have done so for all the years I have known you. You are the complete and full understanding of love for me. You know my bad habits, my quirks, my unusual phrases and tastes. You make me so very happy, and you make me want more than anything to make you feel exactly the same as I do. I want you to know how much you mean to me, to know that I love you, and to know that when I wake up, hearing your voice is the first thing on my mind, and when I do, It puts the biggest smile on my face. I love you!
My friends:
My friends are true, and good, and in their own right, amazing people. I have not always had good friends, or people I could trust or be myself around. I have these now, and I will never let these people go. Laura and Ruth, you both mean the world to me. I Love you both as sisters, and I feel you are my extended family. you are there for me, treat me with respect, care for me, and protect me. I would walk hot coals to do the same for you. You are amazing friends, and you inspire me with who you are as people. To all of my other friends, I love you too. You are all funny, kind, slightly eccentric, and great people. You make days fun, and good memories.
My life:
My life, is not that bad. I am loved, I love in return, I have a home and a job. I am not penniless, I am not cold or hungry.
I have lost a lot in my young life. I have suffered the harsh reality of many bad things, bad experiences and bad times. But I am very lucky, I am happy every day, and I would like to express that I am so very grateful for everything good in my life. It could be worse, and I am so glad it isn't. I hope this helps other people see the good in their lives, because I for one, am very sad and annoyed when people complain, when they have so very much.
Here are some reasons why my life is so great, and so fun!!
Wednesday 5 October 2011
the elusive 'real women'
I am a quite thin, average height young woman.
Yet if I am to believe the media portrayal of what a woman is, that would make me merely just a woman, not a 'real' woman.
The media seem to float around this whole image that only larger women are in fact 'real women'. I agree this is to make larger women feel better about themselves, or at least that was presumably the original goal of the term. So to qualify to truly be a women, I must gain a lot of weight it seems.
Bollocks! Why, as long as I can remember through my own experiences, is it OK to better the feelings of the larger ladies, only at the expense of the thin? In reality, I cannot gain weight. I can eat and eat and eat, anything and everything, and I assure you all, I will not gain weight. People complain that the portrayal is wrong, thin people are everywhere in the media, in magazines, on posters, blah blah blah. They believe they should show larger women, to boost their self esteem, to make them feel desirable too.
So at the expense of people like myself, Women who are heavier get the great compliment of truly being deemed a woman.
All I am stating, is that certain people feel the need to declare 'real women' to make them feel great about themselves, and let's face it, in some way to feel superior to the thin, (i.e media desire). They do this to boost peoples confidence who they feel is being lost, and one thing they do achieve is to tear down someone else. It is not a thin persons fault that they are personified as ultimately attractive within certain outlets, so why should they then be made to feel as though they are not a true woman, be left out of the brackets of description as a real woman.
I am all for bringing up self confidence in women, everyone is beautiful in their own right. But anyone who complains about the thin being beautiful in media eyes, and then calls a larger woman a real woman, is a pot calling a kettle black.Why should I be made to feel as though I am not a real woman because I do not have ample curves? And sometimes, it should be left to the person themselves to work on themselves if they need to see the good in how they look.
Yet if I am to believe the media portrayal of what a woman is, that would make me merely just a woman, not a 'real' woman.
The media seem to float around this whole image that only larger women are in fact 'real women'. I agree this is to make larger women feel better about themselves, or at least that was presumably the original goal of the term. So to qualify to truly be a women, I must gain a lot of weight it seems.
Bollocks! Why, as long as I can remember through my own experiences, is it OK to better the feelings of the larger ladies, only at the expense of the thin? In reality, I cannot gain weight. I can eat and eat and eat, anything and everything, and I assure you all, I will not gain weight. People complain that the portrayal is wrong, thin people are everywhere in the media, in magazines, on posters, blah blah blah. They believe they should show larger women, to boost their self esteem, to make them feel desirable too.
So at the expense of people like myself, Women who are heavier get the great compliment of truly being deemed a woman.
All I am stating, is that certain people feel the need to declare 'real women' to make them feel great about themselves, and let's face it, in some way to feel superior to the thin, (i.e media desire). They do this to boost peoples confidence who they feel is being lost, and one thing they do achieve is to tear down someone else. It is not a thin persons fault that they are personified as ultimately attractive within certain outlets, so why should they then be made to feel as though they are not a true woman, be left out of the brackets of description as a real woman.
I am all for bringing up self confidence in women, everyone is beautiful in their own right. But anyone who complains about the thin being beautiful in media eyes, and then calls a larger woman a real woman, is a pot calling a kettle black.Why should I be made to feel as though I am not a real woman because I do not have ample curves? And sometimes, it should be left to the person themselves to work on themselves if they need to see the good in how they look.
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