the phrase ' I NEED A HOLIDAY' comes to mind....

Well, to say I have been busy, is putting it mildly. So I haven't been able to upload in a while! But to say I've been doing anything of great interest.... well that's maybe stretching it? Apart from a few great days and evenings, I have been confined to the lovely thing that is, retail Christmas hours! Of course I do not mind working loads, but I am now ready for a good rest, and a damn good holiday!

I have taken a step back and suddenly realized how utterly exhausted I am at the moment, not too good when there's still a few weeks to go until the big Christmas day! Work is great though, I was quite surprised by how much I thoroughly enjoy work, and having something to do each day that tasks me somewhat! I have never had a job before that I have enjoyed so much! And its great to feel like I am doing something well too!! It feels as though it has been non stop for a while, and now things are finally settling down I am looking forward to a well earned rest!!! 

Thank goodness for my lovely Adam, and friends who keep me going, and listen to my beyond boring stories! (yeah, I'm sure I've not been to much fun lately!)

I now cant wait because early next year I am off to Rome with my gorgeous guy, for our special birthday holiday! It has been consuming my thoughts for a few weeks now, and as I have only ever been abroad once before I am very excited to do some more travelling!!! So if anyone has any suggestions for fun things to do in Rome, let me know! 

Holiday holiday holiday here I come!!!!!!

thinking of you

Here are some photos of my amazing mum that I have not shared before, they make me happy because each time I see them I see more of myself in her face. She is beautiful and I wish only to be more like her and make her proud.

Because I had a good day

As I have had quite a few, very good days lately, I have been in an excellent mood. However this Saturday topped the bill. I spent the whole day with my gorgeous boyfriend Adam. He took me to the seaside at Skegness, and despite losing two games of bowling, one round at crazy golf (pirate style) and missing out on a prize at the two 'p machines, it was perfect. We spent the day talking, kissing and playing arcade games. Adam also accidentally hit a couple of people with an air hockey puck, and I laughed my ass off! Luckily they didn't mind! I now have enough endorphin's to leave me with a constant smile. I love you Adam.


I may need to work on my ball game skills, but I loved every moment. 

I am very lucky to have......

I thought I would write a short blog to make sure everyone and everything I feel lucky for knows how much I appreciate all the good in my life. It is all too easy to focus on the negative, so here you are.


My mum:
My mum is no longer with me, but she is in my thoughts every day. I always wonder if I would be making her proud or not, and it is this that makes me feel as though she is still guiding me in some way. she was truly selfless, kind, and the pure meaning of a person with a beautiful soul.  I am extremely lucky to have a mum like you, and as much as I wish you were here with me always, I am so grateful to of had you for the first six years of my life. You have inspired me, made me understand love, life and what is really important. And I thank you for that. I love you, and it is a love that no one will ever know, or ever overcome. You make me passionate, and I love you.

My dad:
My dad is my rock, my confidant, and my friend. You have never been unkind, and you have only ever made me feel as though I can achieve. You encourage me, love me, support me. In every thing you have taught me you have bettered me as a person. I am proud, and very happy to be similar to you. You have looked after me, when a lot of people would have been selfish, or even falllen apart. You have kept alive mum's memory, and I thank you for that every day. I love you, and I hope you never feel a burden to me, as you are extremely important to my being, and my life. I love you.


My brother:
You in many ways are my opposite, and in many ways are so similar to me. We are there for each other, despite any harsh words. We know how much we mean to each other, and that one day, when it is just us two left from our little family, that we will support each other, and can rely on each other. You are a great friend, and I am so proud of you. It has been difficult, with me helping to raise you, but I love you more than just a brother, but as a friend, and because only you understand how I feel sometimes, about the beginning we have had in life. I love you.

My boyfriend Adam:
You, you are my love. Unlike anyone else you make me feel loved, and worthy, and something special. You make me smile more than anyone, and laugh all of the time. You can cheer me up from any mood. And you support me, and have done so for all the years I have known you. You are the complete and full understanding of love for me. You know my bad habits, my quirks, my unusual phrases and tastes. You make me so very happy, and you make me want more than anything to make you feel exactly the same as I do. I want you to know how much you mean to me, to know that I love you, and to know that when I wake up, hearing your voice is the first thing on my mind, and when I do, It puts the biggest smile on my face. I love you!

My friends:
My friends are true, and good, and in their own right, amazing people. I have not always had good friends, or people I could trust or be myself around. I have these now, and I will never let these people go. Laura and Ruth, you both mean the world to me. I Love you both as sisters, and I feel you are my extended family. you are there for me, treat me with respect, care for me, and protect me. I would walk hot coals to do the same for you. You are amazing friends, and you inspire me with who you are as people. To all of my other friends, I love you too. You are all funny, kind, slightly eccentric, and great people. You make days fun, and good memories.

My life:
My life, is not that bad. I am loved, I love in return, I have a home and a job. I am not penniless, I am not cold or hungry.


I have lost a lot in my young life. I have suffered the harsh reality of many bad things, bad experiences and bad times. But I am very lucky, I am happy every day, and I would like to express that I am so very grateful for everything good in my life. It could be worse, and I am so glad it isn't. I hope this helps other people see the good in their lives, because I for one, am very sad and annoyed when people complain, when they have so very much.


Here are some reasons why my life is so great, and so fun!!

the elusive 'real women'

I am a quite thin, average height young woman.
Yet if I am to believe the media portrayal of what a woman is, that would make me merely just a woman, not a 'real' woman.
The media seem to float around this whole image that only larger women are in fact 'real women'. I agree this is to make larger women feel better about themselves, or at least that was presumably the original goal of the term. So to qualify to truly be a women, I must gain a lot of weight it seems.


Bollocks! Why, as long as I can remember through my own experiences, is it OK to better the feelings of the larger ladies, only at the expense of the thin? In reality, I cannot gain weight. I can eat and eat and eat, anything and everything, and I assure you all, I will not gain  weight. People complain that the portrayal is wrong, thin people are everywhere in the media, in magazines, on posters, blah blah blah. They believe they should show larger women, to boost their self esteem, to make them feel desirable too.


So at the expense of people like myself, Women who are heavier get the great compliment of truly being deemed a woman.


All I am stating, is that certain people feel the need to declare 'real women' to make them feel great about themselves, and let's face it, in some way to feel superior to the thin, (i.e media desire). They do this to boost peoples confidence who they feel is being lost, and one thing they do achieve is to tear down someone else. It is not a thin persons fault that they are personified as ultimately attractive within certain outlets, so why should they then be made to feel as though they are not a true woman, be left out of the brackets of description as a real woman.


I am all for bringing up self confidence in women, everyone is beautiful in their own right. But anyone who complains about the thin being beautiful in media eyes, and then calls a larger woman a real woman, is a pot calling a kettle black.Why should I be made to feel as though I am not a real woman because I do not have ample curves? And sometimes, it should be left to the person themselves to work on themselves if they need to see the good in how they look.

the best cat photo ever

It's a few years old now, but I thought it would be good to share this brilliant photo of my two cats. My camera shutter is so slow I couldn't of taken it by anything other than complete chance. So here we are, meet Ezmy and Tubby....

happy birthday to my amazing mum

Sunday 25th September was my mum's birthday. This year she would have been 56. My mum died in  1997, but I can never let  a day go by without thinking of her. She is in everything I do, she is amazing, and beautiful. She loved me, my brother, my sister, and my dad with all her heart. And we all continue to love her more than anything that could ever be. So I wanted to wish her a happy birthday, even if she cannot hear or see this. Someone should know that she is still thought of, still loved, still missed. Happy birthday to my mum, and I wish you were here. I love you.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

one day- the book

I have always been a bit of  a book lover, but it takes a lot for me to truly love a book. Jane Austin, Angela Carter and Oscar Wilde are firm favorites of mine. I like story's to be both entertaining, AND intelligent. Who really wants to read a book when you know exactly whats going to happen? I'm not talking horror book 'not knowing what's going on', just a bit more guessing please! I often put books down by chapter three if I'm unimpressed. So I can find myself re-reading all my favorites instead.  But a few week's ago I took a chance on the book 'one day' by David Nicholl's. I was drawn to it after seeing the advert for the film version. But this book has immensely surprised me in how clever, funny and completely involving it feels. I honestly believe this book to one day be another classic. It doesn't follow the usual love scenario, and it really tugs on your heart strings. I love the characters, and when you think you get to know them, like Emma for example, they turn around and surprise you with things they do that I may not have expected or agreed with. I felt included in their lives, and angry with some of their decisions. But that is one of the best parts about this book. The world doesn't need another fairy-tale ending. Austin has covered that, and I don't believe it will ever be beaten. Whats Nicholl's has achieved is an intelligent, modern and believable story, spanning decades, that works because it just could be real. The book struck a very personal and emotional note in me, but will do with anyone who is not completely disconnected from the reality and fragility of life. David Nicholl's is an touching writer, his words are absorbing. And I have just ordered his complete works. 


If anyone wants a great read, I recommend this title. read it, love it, enjoy it. It will be like an old friend on the bookshelf waiting for you when you are done....

Santa Pod European Finals 2011!

Last year was my first time at Santa Pod Raceway, and we went for the European finals. Since then I truly got the bug for drag racing, and having always been a fan of F1 racing, I suppose it was only a matter of time! hehe!

So this year I was so excited to go back, and I had much more of an understanding of what was going on! The whole weekend is an amazing experience, and despite the rubbish air bed, and therefor bad back from sleeping on the floor, everything was amazing and the weather even held up!!! So I hope you enjoy looking through the pictures from my weekend at le pod!

As always they also had the live action arena, but I was disappointed that Terry Grant did not appear. Luckily they had some great substitutes in the form of quad stunt riders, the worlds best stunt motorbike rider, and some car drifters!


One of the funny little photos I got this weekend, is that of the wasp that flew into my drink. So here he is, in a bright blue Bacardi breezer!

If anyone wants to know what they should be doing in early September, it is watching the racing at Santa Pod. They do other events most weekends, get yourselves there!

If only I lived in Poddington (the village where Santa Pod Raceway is) I would spend all my weekends there! And there's the cutest house around the corner. Fate? I wish!!!

my 21st birthday and first trip to wales!

For my 21st birthday this weekend, my lovely boyfriend Adam took me to Cardiff, so we could have a weekend away and visit his sister at university. My first impressions were great as I love seeing rolling countryside! It took us a few hours to get there, so once we got there, we chilled for a while and then got ready for our evening out. We found a great bar near by his sisters uni, so we went for a meal, which they got wrong so we got two free pitchers of cocktails!!! So I did get a little tipsy!


Another great surprise was the band that played, mostly with great acoustic covers and one of the best cover bands I have heard in a long time! The bar was called the Vulkcan Lounge, and was decorated with kooky doors on the walls and even some rubber ducks on the ceilings!!!


Day two, and we decided to go to the nearby town of Barri. Which is where (and I did not know this until we got there) Gavin and Stacey was set and filmed! I even got a drink from Marco's where Stacey worked! The beach there was incredible, and we climbed the rocky areas to the top of the 'Island' and the view was fantastic! I have never been to the beach on such a wet day, but by the time we got there, the sun came out and the views were breathtaking.


So all in all, it may not have been the typical 'mad' 21st celebrations, but I loved every minute of my chilled birthday weekend! And Wales is well worth spending more time in!!!


p.s extra thanks to my friend Laura for the amazing hand made cake!!!

mini in the park @ santa pod raceway 2011

Just over a month ago I was lucky enough to get a mini one! I had been looking at getting one for months on end until finally the day came when I was able to get my own. With help (a lot of) from my dad, and my new job I was able to afford one, and despite the huge insurance bill I am now the proud owner of my gorgeous Burgundy mini one! I picked up the car on a Friday afternoon, and by Sunday I was driving myself, my lovely boyfriend Adam and a friend up to Santa pod raceway in Northampton for the mini in the park event! It had been Adam's idea and was honestly one of the most enjoyable days out I have had in a long while! It includes racing, live action stunts and a great auto jumble for mini parts (among lots of other fun, and some great hog roasts!) when we drove in, we saw a huge car park filled with both Austin and BMW mini's, but you could only park in the nice car park if you drove in a mini, so all other cars were guided to a further away field. rejected!!! HeHe!


In the live action arena was Terry Grant, an amazing stunt drive to whom no one can compare! I have seen him a couple of times before, and always been impressed, but this time he had a new trick up his sleeves!






All in all this was a lovely day, and for once the sun stayed out for us. So big thanks to my gorgeous guy Adam for organizing the trip to go! <3


Here are some pictures and videos of the day we had, including stunts from the amazing Terry Grant!!!